well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
