i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
