i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
