Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
