4 words: hood of his car
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
