Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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