I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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