am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
