Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
