youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
