So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
