He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
