I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
