so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
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You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
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I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
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