Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Everclear isn't food dammit
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
