it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
