Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
