Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
