Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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