Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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