He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
