She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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