So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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