She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
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You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
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That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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