The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
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