When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
