i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
