Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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