Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
