they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
