4 words: hood of his car
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
