But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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