I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Sober January is a disaster.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
