Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
