I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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