Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
