the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
