her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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