dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So. Much. Porn.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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