I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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