i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
