can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
