found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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