i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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