I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
