She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
