i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
