I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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