margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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