I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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