I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
