A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
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she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
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Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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