i just wanna soil my oats bro
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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