I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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