i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he was CRYING into my vagina
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
