moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
