he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
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Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
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You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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