these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
