She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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