Screwed.edu
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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