i think my tv is drunk
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
