i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
