I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
home. puking in laundry basket.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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