Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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