Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i think i have two assholes
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
