the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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