I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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