sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
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