Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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