Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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