So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
