I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
