i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
