She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
