i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
