i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
