this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
