and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
